Freedom

I got some awesome news from the doctor the other day. My
driving ban has been lifted!! I was really under the impression
that it was a 100 day ban. They told me it was because of my
meds. But now they have changed their tune and told me that
as long as I was feeling okay, I can drive!

My first foray out was to the local CVS. I took Sophie with me. I
still need to wear a mask and gloves when I go out. All was
going well until Sophie disappeared. It took me a few minutes
to figure out why: there was someone in the store she knew, and
she did not want to be seen with The Masked Creature. Teenagers!
She ended up meeting me in the car.

Yesterday, I ventured all the way to Trader Joes. Did a bit of shopping, but
then just got exhausted. I took a two hour nap when I got home.

So even though I am free to go where I want, I don't yet have the energy
to go where I want. I'll take it, at any rate. It give me a bit more freedom
than I had, and that feels wonderful!

Meet Ivy

It's great to finally be home!! However, it will be a good while yet
before my life returns to "normal". And the family is adjusting to me
not doing all of the things I took care of before - laundry, cleaning, cooking,
driving them places. I think I am having a harder time adjusting than
they are.

One of the biggest changes for me is that I am still hooked up to an IV at
home. Meet Ivy - my new, petite little pole and tiny pump. She's smaller
than Diana, my huge pole in the hospital, but it's good for home.

I have to get IV Magnesium for at least a month. The transfusion takes four hours.

So for 4 hours every day, I am attached to my pole and pump. I can make it
down the one stair into the family room, where I normally nap during transfusion
time. But I can't go upstairs or outside while hooked up. This will take some
planning on my part. Do I need anything upstairs? Have I showered? Gotten dressed?
Do I have everything I might want for the next 4 hours? Is the dog walked?

It's not too bad overall. Little Ivy makes a little bit noise but it is not so much that I cannot
nap.

So when you come to visit me, just don't be alarmed that there is an Ivy next to me. She's
harmless!

Home

This morning, I woke up in my own bed. In my own house.
With my own family.

I almost thought I was going to be kept an extra day or two. I had
an upset stomach and wanted some medicine to make it feel better.
Because upset stomachs are one of the kinds of Graft Vs. Host disease
(more on that later) I had to take a test before they could approve
the medicine. This was in the middle of the night. I awoke to find
Warning! signs all over my door. People had to gown up again. Instant
panic from me. Luckily, the test results came back early and came
back negative.

I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon and did not
even mind the rainy rush hour drive home.

The dog was so excited to see me that he ended up pooping on our nice
newly cleaned carpets.

I had a wonderful evening of just sitting on the couch with my lovies and
watching TV. Don't ever underestimate the simple things in life!

Leaving the hospital, I felt a bit like Richard Gere at the end
of Officer and a Gentleman. After enduring his grueling training
with the Air Force, he was on his way out, when he passed a
bunch of new recruits getting the same hassles his group had. The
circle just continues. I know that my room will be cleaned by tomorrow
and filled with another patient soon therafter. Another life saved.
The circle continues.

Touch

It's been over 22 days since I had touched or been touched by another
human being. Three weeks and counting. It was for my safety, but it
can be hard as a mother to see your children and know you can't hug them
or hold their hand. It's hard as a wife to just wave to your husband from
across the room.

Last night, I got to be "re-contaminated" with my world. The Hubs brought the
kids down to see me after dinner. I got to hug each of them. I got to hold
their hands. I got to touch their faces.

As humans, touch is one of the first senses to develop. Babies need touch to thrive.
A touch can be comforting. To let you know you are not alone.

To be denied that touch is to emphasize that what you are going through is your journey
alone. And a lonely journey that can be at times. I am not good at being alone. I crave
people. I crave company. Being in this room for a month was hard, not just physically,
but psychically.

I think that it is rather fitting that when your bloodcount numbers come up to the point
that you are safer, you get a reward - touching those you love. I cannot think of a
better way to celebrate.

Three Hots and a Cot

Three Hots and a Cot. That's what criminals call prison.
Where I am now is sort-of a prison. It's not knicknamed "The Penn"
for nothing. I have begun to have sympathy with those criminals who
are in solitary confinement. They are looking at months, years in a room or
cell. I am faced with only a number of weeks and it gets to me. And like
many criminals (perhaps) - I often spend my time here wishing that what went
wrong did not go wrong. "If only"... But here I am, so now it's time to talk
about the food!

My three hots here are very hit-or-miss.
The kitchen cannot seem to deliver the food on time, nor
can they get the orders correct. I have ordered oatmeal and brown sugar for breakfast
only to receive brown sugar. I got hot tea that was really only a cup of hot water.  Today
I got the tea bag, but no water. I got have gotten a few sausage tossed on my plate.
I don't eat pork, so that ruined my meal.

They call me the "Breadstick Lady" when the Food Services people come by to
see how things are going. There are breadsticks on the menu, but I am never
able to actually order them. On the rare occasion that someone figures out the computer
and can send me a breadstick, it is either on a plate by itself (but still tasty) or in a bag
on the tray all dried out and stale. Now I order them just to bug the kitchen staff.

My fabulous mother-in-law, Charlotte, is the only one who is allowed to bring me food, because
she has been to the food prep class with me, and I trust her to follow all food-safe procedures.
So I have spaghetti from her, and some Stouffer's mac-n-cheese to tide me over for dinner.

My cot is not too bad. I have a pillow from home, and the bed is made every day with nice,
fresh sheets. It raises and lowers however I want. Now, if I could only get through the
night without all the interuptions.

While being in here is  similar to prison on many levels, I don't have mean,
angry neighbors or wardens who scare me.
Instead, I have a great staff of support people who will help me get through this.
The nurses, aides, and other people deserve a huge shout out. They help make this journey
tolerable. They even laugh with me about how bad the "3 hots" are. I'll be getting out soon,
and be moving on to the next phase of life. But my time in the "joint" has molded me and left
an impression I won't soon forget.

Mask-erade Part II

Thank you for all of your suggestions. I have implemented some of them.
Others were just too hard for my limited talents.

So without further ado, I present Mask-erade, Part II.

The Animals:

Kitty Cat

Oink! Oink!

The Unicorn

  The People:

Santa Claus

Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!

Argh!!! Captain Hook! With earring!

Count Dracula

Clown

Honest Abe

Albert Einstein

Marie Antoinette

Homesick

Today is Day 15. It is Wallow Day. I have been in the hospital 23 days now.
I have about 15 more to go.

And I am homesick.

I miss my kids.
I miss the Hubs.
I miss my pets and all of the noise they make.
I miss my house and my couch and my own bed.
I miss sleeping without being woken up 3 times a night for someone to jab at me.
I miss the cacophany that comes with living with 3 other people.

And I miss being outdoors. Spring has come and it is now hot, and I have not
been outside to experience any of it.

I would like food that tastes good.
And I would like to see the inside of more than one room every day.
I would like to give my family and friends a big hug and not have it
be separated by gowns and gloves.
I want to walk around without Diana, my trusty pole, following me everywhere.

Today is Day 15. Wallow Day.

Tomorrow will be Day 16 and will be one step closer to getting out of here and coming
home.