Up In Arms

I will be very honest. My arms are ugly. Really ugly right now.

Those red spots are called  petechiae, and I've been dealing with them since October. They are kind of like bruises. But they don't hurt. My skin is very thin due to some of the steroids I have to take for my stomach.  Then the skin gets scratched - either by me, or by the dog, the blood vessels break and cause bleeding right under the skin line. They take a really long time to go away. And usually, just when one patch clears up, I will bump into something and get some more. The fact that I have been dealing with low platelet counts makes the petechiae even uglier than they normally present in people.

All-in -all it's not a bad thing to deal with. Just unattractive. Lucky for me, it's winter.

But looking at them is a constant visual reminder of this past year. It's a "Nope - not normal yet". But I do put heavy emphasis on the "yet". Because I'll get there.

One year ago on Friday, I went into my quarterly oncologist appointment hoping to hear the "all clear" for Non-Hodgkins. It was my 2-year anniversary of being clean, and with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, that's the same as going 5 years cancer free. Surprise! It was just the start of a new odyssey.

So on this year's anniversary, I am "celebrating" (ha!) by getting a bone marrow biopsy. My platelets are still not cooperating. So the docs have me on a pretty tight leash - checking my numbers twice a week and checking in regularly.  I've had to go in once a week for the past several weeks to get a platelet infusion to keep me out of the critical zone.

The biospsy should show them what's wrong. It's either
1) My bone marrow is making the platelets, but then being overagressive and attacking them. Hey bone marrow! Be a team player!!
Or
2) My bone marrow decided to be lazy and not work hard to make the platelets. Hey bone marrow! Get your act together! Work harder!

The good news is that both things are treatable with medication.

Beating cancer is a patience game. For any kind of cancer - dealing with scars, radiation, hair growing  back, strength returning. The word "yet" can become your mantra.

My arms are not normal. My platelets are not normal. I am not normal.

Yet.