This ain't no Canyon Ranch

Many years ago, I had the luxury of staying at Canyon Ranch Spa in Lennox, Mass.
It was a wonderful 4 days. I'll be staying here at Rhoads Wing Spa for the next 21 to 28
days. Let's see how the two measure up:

Canyon Ranch                                          Rhoads Wing Spa                                      Winner     

White towels in bathroom                         White towels shaped like hearts                 Rhoads


Gift bag with water bottle                         Gift Barf Bucket with hat to pee in             Canyon Ranch


Aromatherapy                                           Aromatherapy                                              Draw

Delish meals in dining room                     Not bad meals with Room Servicve!          Rhoads

Exercise programs                                     Exercise programs                                      Draw

Reiki available on site                               Reiki available in room!                             Rhoads

Refreshing cleansing tea                           Poisons they shoot in your veins                Uh....
available anytime!                                     that may kill you and will certainly
                                                                  make you feel like crap.

Well, that last one certainly clinched the win for Canyon Ranch.

I'm still not sure how I landed here, but it sure ain't no Canyon Ranch

Unicorn Dreams

I think the worst kind of stress is the Waiting Kind of Stress.

Sometime either today or tomorrow, I will have the official diagnosis.Which
will mean that I will have to let go of my Unicorn Dream of "Hi there, Carin - your
bone marrow looks nice and healthy - this has all been a mistake!". That's
a really hard dream to let go of.

Will it be leukemia (in-house treatment) or MDS (out-patient treatment).
I didn't even know that MDS was in the running until Monday, when I
found out that not only do I have a room reserved at the hospital, I also
have a room reserved in out-patient. Way to mess with my brain, docs!


Oh - and I have no idea what MDS really is, other than a Pre-Leukemia that is
treated outpatient. I am eschewing Google for the time being. It's better that way.
 
How do you prepare when all of the options stink? Except for that Unicorn Dream.
How I wish the Unicorn Dream could come true!!

Advocacy Super Hero

Here's one thing The Other does not know.  I have the most wonderful
advocate out there. Someone willing to go to bat for me. Someone who is
there for me and will beat down anyone who gets in her way.

That someone is my mother-in-law. She's fierce, fearless, and willing to fight
for me. And she's one savvy lady. She's always reading up on the latest medical
advances, sometimes to our chagrin. For years, we have chided her - "Why are you
saving all of this stuff?" But...

While I sat in Penn yesterday during the Great Platelet Fiasco*, still in a state of shock
and trying to curl into a fetal ball to make it all go away, she came armed with
those articles she's cut out over the years, with important facts highlighted.
Lists of things that need covered. Things to be discussed. Things to Get Done.

I wish everyone going through a difficult time had a Charlotte at their backs.

Pity the fool who goes up against her!

* The Great Platelet Fiasco - there is a platelet shortage out there, folks! I needed
two infusions  yesterday. Had to wait until the Red Cross truck came for infusion
number one. And infusion number two just could not be found. There are few platelets
in Philadelphia right now. The plan is that today I'll go to the Valley Forge Penn Center, where
my platelets have been pre-ordered by my doc and will not be given to anyone else.

People have asked me what they can do to help - and here's something - if you are
healthy, and have the time, contact your local Red Cross to give blood or platelets.
This is a slow time of year for them but it's never a slow time for the demand.

Thank you!

Nightmares and Premonitions

What do you do when your worst nightmares come true?
How do you cope? How do you cope when you thought you
already went through hell and back only to find yourself in
a scarier place?

It was the gums. Puffed up and sore. For no reason.

Then some bruises.

Cold fear. My mom died from leukemia. Her first symptoms? Puffy gums and bruising.

So I went in to my quarterly oncology appt with a certain amount of trepidation. And
I waited a long time to see the doc. Much longer than usual. And he came in not smiling.
Did not like the look of my bloodwork.

Admitted me. Maybe it was the antibiotic I took a few weeks ago messing with my numbers.
Endured a pile of tests. A lot of docs came in. "We are hoping it's the antibiotics".

Then...

It's not the antibiotics. It's The Other. Not sure which Other yet but looking like
leukemia. It's called Secondary Blood Cancer. Caused by the chemo I got from
beating Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. In other words, this is a cancer that I got from
being saved from the first cancer.

Nightmare flashbacks to my mother's struggles 9 years ago. Flashes of my kids and the Hubs.

But I choose Hope. I am not my mother. I did not live her life. I will not die her death.

I will get through this.I will be like Robin Roberts and survive.

I'll be admitted to University of Pennsylvania on Thursday for a long stay. I had been longing
for a stay at the spa. But not this spa. Not like this.

I hope to blog about my experience. I hope to include you all in my journey.

I choose hope. I have to.