Grangry

When you are diagnosed with cancer, whether it's the first time, or, like me, an
exciting second time, a lot of emotions course through you. Fear, anger,
confusion, more fear, just to name a few.

But after all is said and done,  I am left with an emotion I call Granger. This is
being angry and grateful at the same time. It can be quite confusing. But there it is,
Granger.

I am angry that I got cancer in the first place two years ago.
But grateful that it was Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, which is very treatable.

I am angry that my last chemo date was right before my daughter's bat mitzvah in 2015.
But grateful that it was finished, and I was able to attend.

I am angry that I had to go through radiaion. It was grueling.
But grateful that it killed that last of the cancer cells.

I am angry that I now have leukemia.
But grateful that I have a great team of docs and am looking at a cure.

I am angry that I have to go through chemo again.
But grateful that I know what to expect.

I am angry that I had to spend a month in the hospital, and have more hospital time coming.
But grateful that we live near one of the best hospitals out there.

You can be Grangry over lots and lots of stuff. But somehow, I feel lucky to be
Grangry. Very lucky to have the grateful part of that emotion. I hope that I can
stay Grangry. It sure beats "Fangry" - when you are angry and fearful at the same time.
This is how I feel every time I see my actual diagnosis attached to my name.  I don't
like Fangry. I prefer Granger any day. Here's to Granger! May it carry me through some
rough times!