The Coiled Snake

I hear from a lot of people that I have a wonderful attitude about
my current situation. And for the most part, I do. I am not a
"why me" type of person. I am a "let's deal with this" type of gal.

However, I must admit that Fear often strikes me like a coiled snake,
just waiting patiently to get me when I am least expecting it.

Sometimes, the Fear is like a cobra. Rising up out of nowhere. Hypnotising
me with it's hooded head.

Sometimes, the Fear is like a python. Slowly squeezing me until I can no
longer breathe.

And sometimes, it's a harmless Garter snake. A quick fright, and then
relief that it was not so scary after all.

It's difficult dealing with these unpredictable snakes. They get me in the
middle of the night. They get me on a Sunday morning, while I am drinking
my coffee. They get me while I'm sitting on the couch with my kids, watching
TV.

The best I can do at this point is to hit imaginary sticks together to ward off
the snakes of Fear. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it does not.

The other thing that drives the snakes away is talking. When I talk about the Fear,
the snakes seem to stay in the grass, minding their own business. So I talk to the Hubs.
I talk to my friends. I talk to the nurses. I talk to the doctors. Every word out of my
mouth drives them a little further from me.

But I know that those snakes will never go away completely. As anyone who has had
a serious, frightening illness knows, that snake is always coiled. Ready to strike
at any time. I think Love and Faith and Grit are great anit-venoms. They will soothe
the strike. But I don't know how to drive out the snakes completely. I don't think I ever will.