Homeward Bound

I got the surprising news this morning that I can go home!!

Today!!!

And while this thrills me, it also fills me with fear. There is a part of
me that does not want to leave yet. I'm safe here. If there is anything
odd going on, I only have to push the "Nurse" button and report it.
I am checked every 4 hours, round the clock.

What if I get a twinge when I'm home? I will have to use my own judgement.
I'm afraid of the germs out there, even though my immune system has
bounced back nicely and is almost normal. I'll be frightened of crowds and
sick people and just doing normal things like going to the grocery store.

But I've been deemed healthy enough to handle it. They have confidence that I
will know when a twinge is "phone call" worthy. That I can handle the germs
and the crowds and the grocery store.

It's a return to normal that is not quite normal. My life at home will be spent
recouperating and managing my health. This will mean at least one doctor's
appt in Philly a week. At least one home visit a week to change my picc line
dressing. Two visits a week to get labwork from me.

And the knowledge that I will return here in about a month for more chemo. So that
the leukemia can remain in remission until a donor match is found.

It's a scary world out there. I can't think too far in advance, but what I can do is be glad
that I will be returned to my home and to the people I love and to the pets that I love.
I can sleep in my own bed and eat my own food!

I will get used to managing my health. My world will be different than it was before I
was diagnosed, but it will be hopeful. I am determined to find a match and to kick this
Other, this parasite, in the ass and out of my life.

And going home is the first step in that direction.